One

Somewhere I was lied to. I lied to myself for years. My lie was in perfection. I wanted to be liked and talked well of. I wanted to avoid embarrassment and teasing from others. I thought that I could be grand by being number one, because we all like winners, right? I remember not wanting to do certain activities because if I thought I wasn’t going to be good at it, then why bother, why put myself though the embarrassment. I thought that if I was number one, the cool one, the talented one, the level-headed make good decisions one, then people would like me, and if people liked me, then I would feel accepted and all would be right in the world…or in my world anyhow.

Lies, lies, and more lies. It didn’t matter how I programmed my mind for this lie, because it already built a home in my head. Once the lie was in my head, it showed itself it my behavior. That is why knowing who you are in God and having a healthy positive thought life is so important…your thoughts will show up in your behavior.

I had to let the perfection go.  My number one attitude that I thought would lead to popularity was an illusion. I was alone. I found myself not getting close to people because I thought that if they knew me- the real me, the flawed imperfection me, they wouldn’t like me. I was chasing the quick encounters that seemed so put together and pretty on the surface. Seeing and meeting people for short moments leave you looking pretty, but if they stick around they might catch a glimpse of normalness and not be impressed anymore. I wanted strong healthy relationships so badly. I wanted to have people close to me and like me for who I am, not because I was this or that. But my desire for strong healthy relationships can never be reality until I let fear go.

It’s okay to just be yourself. It’s okay to have flaws and make mistakes, as long as you are doing your best to be your best you. God made us and loves us just as we are. Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why must we compare or compete with others? Life is meant to be enjoyed. If I am accepting of myself the way God is accepting of me, then I know that I don’t have to chase anyone’s approval. It has to come from a real place of love and acceptance; not this fakeness we see on reality shows were everyone runs around screaming how fabulous they are while making fools out-of-themselves for a little fame and some money.

When you realize how much God loves you, that real love comes with such confidence, that you don’t need to prove your fabulous by mentioning it to anyone in shouting distance.

Let the one (God) love you into acceptance; don’t chase it. Let yourself be the one who is kind and accepting and not putting pressure on yourself to be someone you’re not for admiration. If my healthy strong relationship starts with me and God, then I will attract the one that will love me and adore me for just being me. I think I was alone while chasing perfection which in return I thought would bring me love, is because people are smart, and deep down they could smell the fakeness. I think I was alone because when you chase something so hard, you’re not trusting and whatever you want won’t show up until you know you can be fine without it.

No illusions, no fakeness, no competing, no comparing, and no complaining. Remember that we are so important to God and that he even went to the trouble of making everyone’s fingers have unique fingerprints that no one else will ever have. The details that God has done to make each one of us special is amazing.  Be kind and accepting of yourself the way God is. Remember how many of you are in the world…..only one.